Did you ever hear that song by Cher, you know, the one that goes shwoop shwoop? Yeah, it’s a bit of a lame song, but it was the foundation my views on sex, love and lust. I’m talking about kissing here guys. And not just kissing, but the perfect kiss.


Let’s just quickly explain, for me, attraction starts with appearance. Then it develops into “like” as I get to know the guy, is he funny, smart, quirky? But no matter how much I may think I like a guy, I never know for sure until we have our first kiss.  If the first kiss is good, then great! Things move on. If the first kiss is bad, then say goodbye to any sort of ladyboner I may have had. In fact, say goodbye to me, because I’ll probably suddenly remember about those videotapes I had to return.

However, if the first kiss is better than good, maybe go so far as great even, then I’m in trouble. It’s at that point that my heart and my groin connect. Suddenly, I don’t just like this guy, I like  this guy. Example: One time I met up with this guy, he was cute but I wasn’t so bothered, I’d just got out of a relationship. But then he kissed me on our second date and BOOM. I start thinking about him constantly. I go see this film at the cinema alone, twice, because one of the supporting actors (with a full 18 minutes screen time) reminds me of him.

Here’s the icky, sicky gooey part. I am in the full belief of love at first kiss. No, I won’t kiss a guy and think “he’s the one.” but I can guarantee that if our kissing compatibility isn’t great, things aren’t going to work out. So in that sense, when I find someone who’s compatible with me, I know my heart’s going to be in and therefore the room for love exists. Disclaimer – there are exceptions to every rule, but I have yet to fall in love with a bad kisser.

So what makes a kiss perfect? I can’t tell you that one. I think everyone kisses differently, and that there are some people who you will be compatible with and some who you won’t be. I can however tell you the criteria and explanations for the formula that makes my perfect kiss.

  •  Clean mouth/nice breath. I imagine that this is universal. So brush your teeth and keep mints handy! I once kissed a guy at 9pm who had eaten a sandwich with raw onion in at 1pm, and all I could think of was how I could taste the onion in his mouth. It was a major turn off.
  • Don’t go straight in with tongue. This might be ok later on if you’re dating someone, but for a first kiss it’s a huge no-no for me. It instantly puts my guard up and I generally freeze/tense before backing the hell away. Think of kissing like sex, you shouldn’t go straight for the penetration. Do some lip foreplay such as nibbling at her lips, kissing her roughly without tongue until she invites you in.
  • Saliva. This is a big issue for me. Some guys have waaay too much saliva. I know when kissing you produce a lot, but I kid you not, I once kissed a boy who produced so much saliva I could have gulped it like water. Since then I’ve been instantly put off by anyone that leaks like a fountain. Obviously I know you can’t control this, which is why I think there are different compatibilities in kissing.
  • Tongue play. Once you get your tongue in, don’t leave it like a dead fish. There’s so much you can do with a tongue. Most of the time it’s reading what your partner likes to do with their tongue. You sort of do a sword dance, but you can control it too, like speed and depth. One of the hottest things I’ve found when kissing is when the guy shoves his tongue really far down. It might sound disgusting but when we’re both trying to mesh our mouths as close as possible, when I can feel his tongue deep in me, filling my mouth up, that’s when my panties start to really soak. Not all girls will like this, but for me, it’s an instant win.
  • Add other dimensions. Do things with your hand, run it through her hair, have it on her hips, rub her shoulders, crush her to you. Break away and kiss down her neck, nibble her ear, come back to the lips, bite them lightly, maybe tug at them. Ok so this stuff is probably a little bit fast for a first kiss. But you need to take kisses further as you go further with the girl, it’s not just about being fast either. Be gentle sometimes. Change the pace, like sex, kissing can be done in so many ways, so keep up the excitement by not falling into a routine!

Well those are just my opinions on kissing, and points that I know make a good kiss for me turn into a perfect kiss. I’d love to hear feedback on what everyone else likes in a kiss!