I’ve recently noticed something really different between men and women. You ask a woman if she’s ever been bi-curious, or had intimate thoughts about another woman and most will answer “Yes”. But ask a man the same question and they’ll feel awkward, offended or just surprised. It’s made me look into the topic of whether is it ok for a guy to be bi-curious. 

This is a really tricky subject to approach. I realise this only after asking a few of my male friends their thoughts. It’s amazing to see the difference in reaction between talking about bi-curious women and bi-curious men.

So why does there seem to be more bi-curious and experimental women than bi-curious or experimental men? Is it a genetic thing, or is it a social thing? Are there more guys who are bi-curious than we know, and is it normal?

One thing I can answer straight away however is that it’s totally, 100% ok to be bi-curious as a man. Which I feel needs to be said right now. It should be obvious it’s ok. However lot of people aren’t sure, and I’m telling them, yes, it’s ok.

Girls Vs Guys

First of all, the thing that stands out to me in this subject was the difference between the treatment of women who are bi-curious and bisexual vs the treatment of guys who are bi-curious and bisexual.

I made a twitter poll to see what people thought. I started off by asking people what they thought about bi-curious girls. The results were as expected. Over 40% of people think it’s normal, and over 50% think it’s cute. Less than 5% combined think it’s not normal, or that it might be disgusting.

After this, I posted the same question but with guys as the subject instead of girls. The results are quite different.

Whilst over 40% still think it’s normal, a whopping 23% finds it disgusting. Only 14% think it’s normal vs 17% who think it’s not normal. Why is there such a huge difference between how people perceive bisexual men to bisexual women?

Bisexual = Gay

It really stands out that if a girl is bisexual, it’s normal, but if it’s a guy it instantly means he’s gay. As if men can only be gay or straight, and there’s no in-between.

Sexuality however is very fluid. There’s a lot of grey areas. One problem facing men is that bisexuality isn’t represented very well in media. Affection and sex between women is often portrayed in media, partly due to the hyper-sexualisation of women. Although hyper-sexualisation is bad, the good thing to come out of it is the fact women can be openly bi-curious or  bisexual without negative judgement.

Personally, I’m bisexual. I have always found girls attractive, but it wasn’t until my teens that I actively thought of them as sexually attractive. My friends never question if my bi-curiosity meant I was 100% completely lesbian. I was free to experiment and find out for myself to what extent I am attracted to women.

Men on the other hand don’t get that freedom it seems. Many who may be bi-curious aren’t as free to experiment. If a girl kisses a girl, it’s fun. If a guy kisses a guy, it’s totally gay. This statement is false, but sadly it’s one a lot of people believe.

Why are there more bisexual women than bisexual men?

There seems to be a lot more bisexual women out there than bisexual men. Is this because of genetics? Is it because of social stigma? Some other reason?

I think the main reason is the social stigma and pressure there is against guys being bisexual. It comes down again to that idea that men who are bisexual = men who are gay. On top of that there seems to be a lot of feeling that gay = feminine. Men are pressured to be masculine.

This instant judgement is also the reason why there are probably are a lot of men who are bi-curious but won’t ever come out about it. It’s instead kept as a guilty secret. If men were able to be as open about being bi-curious or bi-sexual like women, I think we would see a much more equal number between the two genders.

Is ok for a guy to be bi-curious? How do I tell my girlfriend?

Yes. We understand why there are less openly bi-curious men, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. There’s a social idea that men need to be masculine and that being gay is weaker, but that’s also wrong. Have you seen how buff some gay men are?

The fact is sexuality isn’t black and white. Most people are in fact in the grey area. That doesn’t mean you are bisexual, but it means that you might have any percentage of interest in the same sex. And that’s ok.

How do you tell your girlfriend? Well that’s a bit more tricky. I advocate openness and honesty in any relationship. I think if you trust and love her, than you can trust her to be understanding and non judgemental. A lot of girls also have no problems with men being bisexual!

 

  • ayylmao69

    Depending on the situation, I wouldn’t mind doing something with another guy

  • Very interesting exploration of a sensitive topic, Harriet.

    There’s a lot more gay men out there than lesbians. It varies by country and city but the standard numbers are about two to one. I.e. 10% of men are gay while 5% of women are lesbians. When you add in the bisexual women though the numbers would get closer.

    The numbers for men might sound high in a small town but when you think of what the private (public) school lot get up to in England and cities like San Francisco, Toronto, New York, they do make sense. Quite logically, the alternative sexuality crowd moves to centres where they feel more welcome. And where there are more activities and venues which either cater to their lifestyle or at least welcome them.

    Being different in any way from the majority is always hard. Humans demand social conformity.