Happy Valentine’s day everyone! This year I am spending Valentine’s Day alone, and honestly, it’s not uncommon for me. I know there is a lot of pressure from media and social perceptions to be in a relationship and be with someone, especially for Valentine’s, and I wanted to share with you guys it’s ok to be spending Valentine’s Day alone.
First of all I want to make it really clear that I love the concept of Valentine’s Day. I will always be the first to admit what a huge romantic I am. It’s a magical time of year where everything becomes heart shaped, eating vast amount of chocolates is ok and you can watch Love Actually without anyone judging you because it’s not Christmas.
I find that people are either in the camp of “Valentine’s Day is great!” or “I hate everything about it!” which is really interesting, especially because whether you’re in a relationship or not seems to affect it a lot.
Reasons to love Valentine’s Day
- Everything is pink and glittery
- Limited edition chocolates
- Limited edition chocolate sales right after Valentine’s Day
- You can buy 5 bottles of red wine, chocolate and a romcom and no one will judge you
- An excuse to buy new luxury lingerie
- An excuse to buy a new sex toy
- You can pretty much buy anything even remotely sexually suggestive and no one will judge you for it
- Special set menus at restaurants
- Love is promoted, which in my opinion is always a good thing
Reasons to hate Valentine’s Day
- Everything is more expensive for some reason
- Everything is covered in glitter, and that stuff is so hard to clean up
- Single people complaining about the fact it’s Valentine’s Day
- Couples complaining about the fact they have to do something for Valentine’s Day
- More break-ups on Valentine’s Day than normal
- But seriously why is everything so expensive?
- Every nice restaurant is fully booked weeks in advance, so even if you were celebrating something else (like a coinciding birthday) you’re screwed and everything is already more expensive
- Public displays of affection everywhere.
Reasons why it’s ok to be alone on Valentine’s Day
- You don’t need to be in a relationship to make you happy
- All the chocolate and you don’t have to share
- You can watch whatever rom-com you like. Or any film for that matter, no one’s going to tell you off!
- They now make Valentine’s cards you can give to your pet cat/dog
- Going on a first date on Valentine’s Day because you think you need to be with someone is often a disaster and you should avoid it.
- But seriously you don’t need to be in a relationship to make you happy and that’s kind of the only point that really matters.
I receive a lot of emails asking me about dating and sex advice, quite of few of those ask me “How do you find a girlfriend”. This subject has bothered me for a long time, because I’m really against this huge pressure for people to always be in a relationship.
Relationships are nice. When you’re in one that works, it can be the best feeling of your life. No one wants to be alone all their lives, and most of us want to find someone to grow old with. However non to these statements mean “if you’re not with someone, you must be unhappy.”
Relationships can make you happy. Not being in a relationship does NOT make you unhappy!
“But I want to be in a relationship!”
I really want to stress that I’m not saying you have to be happy if you’re alone. It’s ok to be unhappy about being alone. What I mean to say is that it’s not ok to be unhappy simply because you feel that you shouldn’t be alone on Valentine’s Day.
A mistake I see so many people make when it comes to relationships is really force themselves into the dating scene.
For instance, I have a very close friend who has just recently broken up with her long term boyfriend. They’ve been together since high-school. She’s never really known what it’s like to be single. She’s young, pretty and intelligent, but for some reason she feels that she’s incomplete or unsuccessful if she’s single.
“I’m young, smart and attractive! Why am I alone?” She asks me. I told her that being single is normal, and that it doesn’t make you less for any reason.
“But I want to be in a relationship!” she retaliates. Well that’s fine as well. Except you’ve got to think about what kind of relationship you want to be in.
Do you want to be in a relationship purely to be in a relationship? Or do you want to be in a relationship with someone who makes you happy, someone you trust and someone who you’re comfortable with?
Of course it’s the latter. And that kind of relationship doesn’t fall into your lap like a Disney movie. That kind of relationship can’t be forced.
Valentine’s Day is not a deadline, and diving into any sort of date because you’re worried being alone on Valentine’s Day means you’re always going to be alone is a really, really stupid idea.
Things you can do whilst spending Valentine’s Day alone
- Order or cook your favourite meal. Treat yourself.
- Watch your favourite film or TV show and binge on Netflix if you want.
- Eat all the cheat foods you know you’re not meant to.
- Hang out with friends
- Go to the bar and watch some sports
- Call your mum and tell her you love her
- Call your dad and tell him you love him
- Do whatever you like, but remember that you’re a great person, and being alone doesn’t define you, nor does it undermine you as a person.